Memories
by kakkujapojat
Summary: How could they have let their friendship slip away? Once so close and inseparable, what could have happened to suddenly tear them apart? The fight that ended Mello and Near's friendship for good.


**Author's Notes:**

**This is just a oneshot of Mello and Near again. It's my first and ONLY story rated below an M (as of 7-12-08), so it's new to me. But I'd like my fanfiction to go along variety.**

**The two K+ stories that I've posted are actually ones my friend wrote and asked me to post for her because she can't get an account on here. **

**So this is still my first K story. :)**

**It's told from Mello's point of view.**

**Anyway, I hope I get positive reviews on this one :)**

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**MEMORIES**

Back then, we were just little kids. Grades didn't matter to us. We had fun, and that was all that mattered. He was always alone, and I felt sorry for him. I was always fooling around and trying to make Matt happy, and he knew that I needed a break. He would always be sitting in the common room when I came in -waiting for me. He'd smile at me, and I would sit down next to him and we would just talk. He was nice to have around; he didn't ask for anything but to have someone to talk to, and I would happily give him that. Sometimes we would go to my room and talk until we fell asleep. Those were the days I was happiest.

_I kicked the door to the orphanage shut, and wiped my hair out of my face. Sometimes I wished the boys wouldn't ask me to play with them so much. If Matt weren't with them, I never would, but since he always looked so down any time I declined an offer to hang around, I decided it'd be easier just to give in and play with them all. Ever since I had come to the orphanage, they had all looked up to me; it was rather unnerving to say the least, that I was their role model. _

_At least I had something to look forward to today._

_Sure enough, when I opened the door to the common room, he was sitting on the window-seat, his legs swinging in the air and his face blank. When I entered, he looked up and smiled, jumping down to greet me. _

_"Hey," I said, waving as I walked in. "You have my chocolate today, don't you?"_

_"I'd never forget it," he replied, handing me my favorite thing in the world._

_It was tradition on Sundays to pass out chocolate to all the kids; I had always loved this tradition. The first time I had tasted chocolate, I could never forget it. So every Sunday, he would get extra and give it to me. _

Looking back on it, I guess I was taking advantage of him...I never really thanked him for it, but he never seemed to mind. He'd give it to me without complaint, and even smiled at me when I ate. He was a naive sucker, and I used him.

_"Mello," he told me one day. "What do you plan to do when you leave the orphanage?"_

_It was true that once the kids at Wammy's turned fifteen, they had to leave the orphanage. It was only because the House couldn't accommodate so many kids, and they had to let them go sooner or later._

_I had never thought about what I'd do once I left, but I knew that Near still had one year to go after I did. The thought of leaving him worried me slightly, but I'd come back for visits, and we'd end up finding each other after we both left._

_"I don't know. I suppose I'll do what L does..."_

_"You mean be a detective?" he asked._

_"Something like that." It was really the only thing I was good at, at least, I thought I was good at. I supposed though, if it didn't work out, I could always just get a regular job. "What about you?"_

_"I'd like that too," Near replied. "Maybe after we both leave, we could work together."_

_"That'd be nice," I said, smiling. _

We always made plans for the future, with the blind vision that we would make it to fifteen the way we were. We never expected things to change. We imagined everything staying the same.

_"Near, can you help me with this?" I asked, pitching him my workbook across the floor._

_"What exactly is the problem?"_

_"I don't get it! I never get it! Math is so complicated..." I groaned. _

_"Come over here, and I'll show you," he replied calmly. I rolled my eyes and slid over beside him, while he pointed out my errors and showed me how to do it correctly. He was always showing me how to do things. I never understood half of the work we were given, but Near -a year younger- was already way ahead of me. He could explain things to me I didn't even know. Even if I was number one at the orphanage, I could tell that he was slowly catching up._

Little did I know, I would end up hating him for that very reason.

_"You're so smart, Near!" I said, once we were finished. "You always figure out the hardest problems!"_

_He shrugged. "They're easy if you pay attention in class."_

_"I do pay attention in class!" I retorted. "I just don't understand it..."_

.:.D.Nd.:.

We were always together. Matt said he was jealous, but I didn't care. Near and I couldn't have been happier. Really, I was the only friend he had. He didn't talk to anyone else, which was one of the reasons I felt sorry for him. I guess I was just curious at first, but after a while I started to forget how different he was from the rest of us.

_"Hey, smart-eleck! What are you going to do now? Can't fight back like this!" One of the boys gave a cold laugh and a sharp smack echoed across the hallway._

_"HEY! What are you guys doing?!" I pushed one of them out of the way and glared at the rest. "What's your problem!? Just leave him alone already!" _

_They were frightened of me, I could tell; they only took their shots at Near when I wasn't around, and now I had caught them. The boys backed away and gave me looks of disgust. "We were just having some fun. Gods..." They took off down the hallway._

_I knelt down and looked at Near's face; he had a bruise on his cheek, but nothing too serious. "You okay?" I asked. _

_"Yeah. Thanks for helping me."_

_"No problem..."_

Near seemed to have this amazing ability to draw unwanted attention to himself. The other boys picked on him simply because he was smart. If he had acted dumb, I'm sure they would have left him alone; they just couldn't take being inferior. The only reason they didn't take a swing at me was because they knew I'd fight back. Near was the weak one, so they picked on him instead. I was always getting Near out of the worst fights, but sometimes I wasn't there when he was in trouble, and the result was always a week of bed-rest for him, and some nasty scarring. I had hated it when they laid a hand on him. It infuriated me. I wanted to kill them. But I didn't.

_"I made the top!" I cried, as I looked at the scores for our latest test. "I got the highest score again!" _

_"Congratulations," Near said, smiling at me. "I knew you could do it. You always do."_

_"You're only a few points behind me," I replied. "You're doing well yourself."_

_"Thanks, but I don't think I'll ever do quite as well as you."_

_"Maybe, who knows." I gave an encouraging smile._

I never, ever, ever, ever expected him to do better than me. I was always number one, and everyone knew it. Near was always second; it was just the way things were. He wouldn't surpass me; he couldn't. If only he would have accepted his place.

_"Mello, could you help me on this assignment? I don't quite understand it..." Near said, handing me his paper. It was already completed, three days before the assignment was due. Near never usually asked me for help, but on the rare occasion he came to see me if he was having trouble. Which...wasn't a lot._

_"Well," I said, reading over the paper. "You got the concept, but you don't give enough detail." I spread the paper out across the table and pointed at a few places, while he looked closely at what I was explaining. "You should try and give it a personal touch, put your own opinion and voice into it. Don't just go by the book. Tell what you think about the topic." I smiled and handed the paper back to him._

_He smiled back. "Thanks, Mello. I appreciate it."_

_"No problem. Good luck on the assignment," I replied, making a mental note to finish mine as soon as he left._

I liked it when he asked me for help; it made me feel smart, special. Like I was needed somehow, like I was appreciated. It gave me a glowing feeling inside.

But that feeling didn't last for long.

_"Mello, I got the assignment back!" Near said, shoving the paper in my face as I sat in my room. He had come through the door mere seconds ago, looking very happy about something._

_"What is it?" I asked, taking the paper and looking at the grade. _

_I felt my face drain of color. I snatched my own paper from my bedside table and compared the grades. He had scored five points higher than me; at a perfect one-hundred._

_"It's all because you helped me, Mello," Near said. "I never would have gotten it if you hadn't given me the suggestions."_

_I could feel my blood boiling as I struggled to make words form inside my mouth. "You...little cheat," I said, handing his paper back to him. _

_"...what?" His expression faded and he looked at me strangely._

_"You asked me for help just so you could score higher than me, isn't that it?!" I accused. "You hardly ever ask for help! You just wanted to knock me down, didn't you!?"_

_"N-no, Mello...that isn't it!" Near took a couple steps back. "I wasn't trying to..."_

_"All this time, you were planning this, weren't you!? So you would get the top score!!"_

_"No, I swear I wasn't!" Near protested. "Please, Mello, you have to believe me!"_

_"Save it!" I pushed past him and stalked out the room, slamming the door behind me._

We didn't speak after that. He tried to apologize, but I refused to accept someone better than me. I know deep down that it was a stupid reason to end our friendship, but all I could think about at the time was how hurt I was. How much I wanted to be first, and how Near had taken that away from me. Even if it wasn't his intention, I still hated him for it. As Near continued outdoing me, my hatred grew more and more. He changed, and I changed. I guess that's the way friendships go. All the same, if I could go back I would probably do things differently. But I know that it's too late to go back now. It wouldn't be the same; we've grown older.

I look at Near from a distance now, wanting to speak, but unable to bring words to my lips that would erase what I said to him all those years ago. Nothing can heal the wounds that have been poorly treated over time. Every time I see Near, the wound reopens. Every time I see his emotionless face, I feel an aching in my heart. I want him to know that I'm sorry. I want him to know that I've forgiven him. But it's too late now. I can't take it back.

I often stare at him at times, wondering what might have been. But that's something I'll never know; what would have happened if I hadn't gotten so angry at him that day. Sometimes, when I pass him in the hall, I stop. I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I just walk past him, unable to find words to apologize. I was selfish and vain back then, and this is my punishment: losing Near.

Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same way I do, and still wants to make up. Maybe he's given up on it, or maybe he hates me now. Either way, I doubt there's any hope of us becoming friends again. No matter how much I try, I can't forget about what used to be. I think back on the memories, and it hurts to know that that's all they are now: memories. I wasted the time I had to apologize. It's much too late now, too much has changed.

But sometimes, when he sees me, he'll say hi. He'll stop and say hello. I'll say it back, and we'll go on our separate ways. But this is as far as we'll come. I know that. I hurt him too much for him to want to be friends again.

Any time I think I'm over it, I'll see him and remember that I'm not. I can never be over it. The memories will torture me every day. Because that's all they are.

Memories.

Memories that will never become the present, but will only continue to fade farther into the past as we grow older.

**Author's Notes:**

**I know this was a short one-shot, but basically it's just a collection of memories Mello had of Near when they were friends, and of course the fight they had that ended the friendship. I know that Mello got mad at Near for no reason; but you'd be surprised at how many friendships end over stupid reasons like that.**

**Mello's feelings toward the end are actually similar to mine, which is why this was easy to write. I had a really really good friend a while back, and we gradually stopped talking (though for a completely different reason than Mello and Near did in this fanfic) and it's really hard thinking back to how close we used to be, and all of that. So I can relate to Mello completely at this point.**

**That wasn't what really inspired this one-shot, but it did relate a little at the end. It was my fault we split apart, and I had a chance to apologize but I didn't. So I really brought it on myself.../**

**All the same, I hope that I get positive reviews :)**

**I know it isn't much, but I'm practicing my one-shot writing so this is mostly a test :)**


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